Writing...

I saw this quote on a friend's post on Twitter this morning:‎

"The purpose of writing is discovery. You do not know what you yourself think until you put it into words."

It's very true. When I write I can express myself like no other way; I can say all of the words in my head that don't come out right when I speak. I can phrase things the way I want and create my own personal form of poetry. The words flow from my soul and I can figure out what's going on inside of me. I've been letting myself write freely, letting the words come as they may, with no rhyme or reason, no editing, no planning. It helps to release this way and get the negativity out of my system. I've been finding out a lot about myself -- some good, some bad. But I know myself better now.

I still keep journals, which are private and only seen by me, but for the past year I've been making some of my writing public because it's more therapeutic. Writing in a journal still feels like keeping my thoughts to myself and holding the emotions inside. Which eats away at me and causes emotional damage. But there are some things that I don't trust others to know...or I don't feel comfortable sharing. But I've come a long way and have some good friends and family members with whom I talk to regularly. That's my form of therapy.

I know that eventually I will need professional therapy. I just don't feel ready yet. I have a lot of other steps to take in my healing and I have enough new things to deal with. So many changes. The newest meds seem to be working well and my head is much clearer and I feel more motivated. I still have a lot to overcome though. A lot to figure out. I have to let myself take the time and go slowly. That's the hardest part.