I am grateful for the things I have, the gifts I have been given, the people in my life. At times I am moody, demanding, needy, stubborn, and controlling. I may ask for more than others are able to give or expect more than I have a right to. I can be overbearing, dramatic, paranoid, and persistent. I often feel alone and like no one notices or cares. I know consciously that it is not true, but when the depression takes control, I can't see it or feel it. The pain and hopelessness blocks it. I am sorry if I appear ungrateful...but I truly am. When I come out of it and the fog lifts and my vision is clear, I see all of you. Protecting me, holding me, guiding me. When you hold out your hand to me or offer your ear, it means so much. If I don't take it, that doesn't mean I don't want or need it, just that I have to face it alone or I'm afraid or not ready. Or simply that the gesture healed my wounds and gave me all the strength I needed. Loyalty and acceptance are very valuable to me and make me feel safe. That's all I need. So don't feel like you don't give enough just because I'm lost. If I know you're looking for me, waiting for me, it helps me find my way back home.
Facebook note by Nicole McMillan on Friday, March 11, 2011 at 4:16am.
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