The Introduction

I've been trying to think of what to write for my first blog. How to "introduce" myself. How much to say. Should I be as open as I am when I vent on Facebook? Should I write a poem or just talk about whatever comes to mind? How private should this be? A lot to think about....and I think a lot. But it helps me to write. I don't think of myself as a writer or poet, never even really wrote poems until recently. I wrote songs in the past, ever since I was young. But they're nothing special, not professional like my brother's. I just write what I feel. I enjoy it and it's therapeutic. For others as well...they say my words inspire them. I used to hold everything inside. I was shy and self-conscious and never thought my problems were serious. Because no one else did. So I just put a smile on my face and pretended everything was ok. It wasn't. And it's not now. I won't go into all of that today. But I thought I'd share a poem I wrote a few months ago. If you can read between the lines, you'll know. And maybe some of you can understand.


Home

Do you know what it feels like to fall?
To lose everything you gained,
To start at the bottom and work your way up?
What if you're too tired to try anymore?
What if the pain is your companion and despair is home?
Why would you want to leave your home?
You're safe there, comfortable.
You never have to ask if you belong because there's always a place for you.
And your companion never leaves you.
Is always watching over you.
Waiting until you need her again.

But sometimes you want to leave.
To try that other world.
The one that so many people talk about.
Happiness.
What's it like, you wonder.
Can I have it too?
They do.
So you try it, you open yourself and let it in.
But it's harder to live there - so many requirements, so many responsibilities.
You have to work very hard to stay happy.
Or they'll kick you out without a word.
Then you're on your own.
You can go back - it you do good enough, fight hard enough, are worthy.
Or you can go home and be taken care of.
Where you know you can sleep and dream and be.
Be yourself - no doubt about it there.

But happiness comes with a price.
Lots of them.
You have to let go of the past, let go of the things that were once important.
You have to move on to unknown places, take risks knowing you'll fail.
But you can't help yourself because maybe, just maybe you'll succeed.
And you do.
But it all goes away - because it wasn't yours.
You're just visiting after all.


2/9/10 ~ NM